Tomorrow

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Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. -Charles Schulz 

This has always been one of my favorite sayings/quotes. I've seen it attributed to Charles Schulz, but I can't find any information that shows for certain that he wrote or said it. Doesn't matter, I still love the words.

I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder as well as panic disorder. I've been dealing with this for a little over 10 years now. I actually went to the hospital on my 28th birthday because I was certain I was dying of a heart attack. That's when I knew that something else was wrong.

I visited my regular doctor many years ago and he prescribed me an anti-depressant (Effexor), which did not help. In fact, after three days I threw the whole bottle in the trash because I began to have some pretty scary thoughts. I went back and was given something different (Paxil). I honestly didn't notice much of a change, I was still having seemingly random attacks that would last for days. I discontinued taking it after I became pregnant.

For the last five years, I have only had a handful of moments. Mostly short and small attacks that I could "talk myself down" from. Until the last year or so and now they are coming more and more often. I feel like the attacks breed more attacks because I'm always in fear of having another one. Every little pain or blip and I'm thrown into an attack. Even when I know with all absolute certainty there is nothing wrong!

It's the most terrifying feeling, not being in control of your own mind. I will beat this. I will understand this.

It will be better.